One year ago, I was preparing to leave my summer job at Glimmerglass, completely unsure as to what I was returning to back home in Chicago.
My wife of less than a year had entirely stopped talking with me out of the blue two months prior, weeks after I had left for the summer, like I had the past four summers with her.
I’m not going to rehash it here. I’ve already written about it at length.
Things were rough. I was rough. I hadn’t been happy in years, so utterly swallowed by a depression and crippling anxiety that I thought that the rest of my life was going to be merely existing, and feeling guilty the whole time because I was no doubt a miserable excuse for a partner.
I was pretty sure I was headed home to a divorce, and I was right. On our one year wedding anniversary, my wife told me no amount of counseling could fix us and she wanted a divorce as quickly as possible.
Before I had left Glimmerglass, my friend gave me a small stone rabbit, telling me, “Rabbits are a symbol of change and rebirth. I just know that this will be your Year of the Rabbit. You have no idea what is going to happen, but I know it is going to get better for you.”
Over the past year, I left my job in Chicago which had been unrewarding for me for some time, but I had been stuck, mired in laziness and complacency.
Over the past year, I have moved halfway across the country for my first full time job with benefits.
Over the past year, I have finally gotten ahold of my mental health and feel the closest to “normal” in have been in nearly a decade.
Over the past year, I have lost over forty pounds.
Over the past six months, I have grasped onto a fierce independence that I forgot I so greatly craved and needed.
Over the past four months, I have begun writing again, finding the joy and catharsis in pouring my soul onto the page, ripping me apart and stitching me back together again.
Over the past four months, I have regained my confidence, my self-assuredness, my swagger.
Over the past three months, I have cultivated a belief in myself as a competent professional in my field.
Over the past three months, I have been more social than I had been in the previous three years combined.
Over the past two months, I have been exploring what it means to be “in my 30s,” and it’s pretty damn awesome.
Over the past two months, I have re-ignited desires that had laid dormant for years, ones that I had feared would no longer be a part of my life.
Over the past month, I have been concocting a game plan to finally make some friends in my new home.
True, I am still coming down from my yearly Glimmerglass high, but I am thriving.
My friend was right.
This was my Year of the Rabbit.
This was my year of rebirth.
My year of completely and utterly changing my entire existence.
My year of unearthing the old, withered husk of me, poking around in it, salvaging anything useful and discarding the rest.
My life is just beginning once again. And I am so fucking excited.