On Sexuality or How My Conservative Christian Upbringing Shaped Me In Super Surprising Ways

On Sexuality or How My Conservative Christian Upbringing Shaped Me In Super Surprising Ways

WARNING: This post goes into quite a bit of detail regarding my sexual history. If you’re a family/friend/person who would rather not know these things about me, turn back now! 
Continue reading “On Sexuality or How My Conservative Christian Upbringing Shaped Me In Super Surprising Ways”

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On Inadequacy and Self Loathing, or How My Second Boyfriend Was Legally Banned From My College

On Inadequacy and Self Loathing, or How My Second Boyfriend Was Legally Banned From My College

Trigger warnings:  Self injury, suicidal thoughts, emotionally abusive relationships

I hate disappointing people.

Ever since I was in elementary school, I did extremely well in school, participated in all sorts of extracurricular activities (piano, dance, theatre, violin, gymnastics, voice lessons, choir) and pretty much dominated the Best In Show awards in most categories I entered in the local county 4-H Fair.

thirdclass dinning14I’m on the right, as “Kate Murphy” in Titanic: The Musical my senior year of high school

I was very dedicated to living a life pleasing to God, and I would stay up late at night in middle school worrying about if I was going to get into Heaven, and then if my family was going to get into Heaven, and then if my friends were going to get into Heaven.

I went on a mission trip with my church to Haiti when I was 14, inner-city Philly when I was 15, Toronto when I was 16, and the Dominican Republic when I was 18. And the whole time I was on them, I worried if I was being selfless enough. I worried that I was doing them for the wrong reasons, for the glorification of myself, not of God. I was tormented by my inadequacies.

100_7147On my mission trip to the Dominican Republic, 2005

Continue reading “On Inadequacy and Self Loathing, or How My Second Boyfriend Was Legally Banned From My College”