On Turning 31, or Reflections on My 30th Year and Realizing This Is Gonna Be An Awesome Decade

On Turning 31, or Reflections on My 30th Year and Realizing This Is Gonna Be An Awesome Decade

This time last year, I wrote a post about my anxiety about turning 30.  My birthday is next week, and I’m happy to report that I survived my first year of this new decade!

30th birthday
My friends decorated my workspace last year for my 30th birthday because they are The Best™

A lot of the goals and life skills that I had begun to set in motion at this point last year have solidified into some Real Adult Habits and Practices.

Continue reading “On Turning 31, or Reflections on My 30th Year and Realizing This Is Gonna Be An Awesome Decade”

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016.  Oh, where do I start?

I’ve seen dozens of think pieces, of Facebook posts from friends and strangers, telling me how I should feel about myself and my outlook on this year.  I should feel lucky, I should take a good hard look at myself and realize that it’s all my damn fault that I’m not happy (forget about the fact that we have no control over some very serious shit that can happen like death and poverty and mental illness and abuse and it’s a very victim-blaming way to think about it to tell us we can just snap out of it.)

Personally, I’ll admit that 2015 was the bigger dumpster fire for me.  That was when my depression had gotten its worst ever, and shit hit the fan with my marriage.  2016 has been a year of growth and rebuilding my life.

But for this country, 2016 has thrust me into a huge amount of worry.  But that’s out of my control in many ways.

So what are my take-aways for 2016?  What have I learned?  How have I changed?

Ohhh, buddy.  If you only knew.

Continue reading “2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?”

On Being A Woman Who Doesn’t Want Children, or How Puppy Sitting Made Me Even More Aware of My Selfish and Un-nurturing Nature

On Being A Woman Who Doesn’t Want Children, or How Puppy Sitting Made Me Even More Aware of My Selfish and Un-nurturing Nature

Preface: I’m pretty adamant about the fact that I don’t want to have kids, and I will be discussing these thoughts and feelings in this post. It does not mean I think poorly of those who do, who want to, or who wish they could have children. These are only my own personal beliefs and they are not meant to hurt anyone in any way. 



When I started college twelve years ago as an 18 year old freshman, I was given an assignment: write a letter to my future self, outlining where I saw myself at graduation and then my 10 year plan.

As a freshman, I planned on focusing on musical theatre performance, perhaps taking some classes in education. I wanted to run a musical theatre company for youth similar to the one I attended as a homeschooler throughout high school.

So that meant I would graduate with my musical theatre focused degree at age 22.

By age 24 or maybe 25 at the latest, I would be married to a wonderful guy.

And a couple years after that at 26 or 27, I would have my first kid. My second would follow a couple years later, so I would have my intended two children by the time I was 30.

I’m now 30, and the only thing that happened in that 10 year plan was “I graduated with some sort of degree at age 22.”

And I did get married, but it was to a woman.

And that marriage was over by the time I hit 30.

And now, I don’t even want any of that.

Let’s back up.

Continue reading “On Being A Woman Who Doesn’t Want Children, or How Puppy Sitting Made Me Even More Aware of My Selfish and Un-nurturing Nature”

On Adulting and Reflections On Turning 30 or Now I Can Mostly Be Trusted To Feed A Cat

On Adulting and Reflections On Turning 30 or Now I Can Mostly Be Trusted To Feed A Cat

This is my last week of my 20s.  

I know I’m still super young, but this is my first “milestone birthday” since I was 21. (Well, 25 but I’ve never rented a car so that one was pretty irrelevant.) I’m having a tiny bit of an existential crisis. 

I feel like 30 is that age in which you really start adulting.  

It’s so weird. When I was in college, I thought that 25 was super “adult.” I would have been out of school for a couple years, and definitely would have gotten my life together.  

And then I hit 25 when I was in grad school and was still eating Ben and Jerry’s with my face buried into the container with no spoon while driving home from grad school at midnight and I realized that I was far from it.  

Okay, so this was my 24th birthday, but this is not wifeing material yet

Well then. 

Continue reading “On Adulting and Reflections On Turning 30 or Now I Can Mostly Be Trusted To Feed A Cat”