On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.

On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.
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I promise this will all make sense by the end.

I’ve always been a bit of a “floater.”

One of the things I pride myself in is that I am fiercely individual, but I have found that this can sometimes come with a price.

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately.

Continue reading “On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.”

On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff

On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff

I’m the first to admit I’m an acquired taste.

When you first meet me, I’m painfully shy and have a difficult time carrying a conversation (especially if I don’t find you particularly interesting…shhhhhh…)

And once I warm up, I’m a passionate flailing-muppet-arm word-vomity mess.  Without a filter.  I overshare.  I’m brutally open and honest to a fault.  Some may even call me abrasive or obnoxious.

Especially when you get me going on issues I’m passionate about.

This has been something that has become painfully clear to me over this past year on my path to a deeper sense of self awareness.

And so, here I am, with a whole lot to say about things that directly affect me and the people I care about, trying to figure out how to speak about them and gently educate people who may not be aware of them and/or strongly disagree with them.

There’s a fine line to walk and, over the past election season especially, I have witnessed all sorts of variations of communication and debate.

Continue reading “On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff”

On Bi/Panphobia, Bisexual Erasure, and My Queer Identity When I Still Like Dudes

On Bi/Panphobia, Bisexual Erasure, and My Queer Identity When I Still Like Dudes

*Apologies for the formatting issues..I’m still learning WordPress!*

(99 problems bi
(Image: https://australianmedievalists.wordpress.com/2014/09/28/the-erasure-of-eleanor-rykener-a-case-study-in-trans-and-bi-phobia/)

Because of my gender identity, coupled with my sexuality, I generally declare myself as “queer,” which is really an umbrella term that encompasses a lot of things.

But that’s a tricky label when you’re a girl who still likes cisgender guys. (Cisgender: a person who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth.)

I mean, “queer” sounds kind of off-limits.

So then there’s “pansexual” but most people don’t know what that means. No, I am not aroused by kitchenware.

Sometimes it’s best to just proclaim “I’m attracted to people.”

Continue reading “On Bi/Panphobia, Bisexual Erasure, and My Queer Identity When I Still Like Dudes”

And so it begins…

me

Who am I?

That question gets more and more difficult to answer as time goes on because of its intricacies and complexities, and yet my identity it is slowly crystallizing before me.

I am turning 30 in a month and ten days.

I am newly divorced (3/28/16, ya’ll.)

I was in a same-sex marriage for one year and seven months from wedding to finalized divorce.

I married my first girlfriend.

I am attracted to people of all gender identities and expressions.

I am vaguely-genderqueer-but-mostly-female.

I have had severe battles with depression and anxiety since high school.  I am just now pulling myself out of a pit I had found myself in for at least three years.

I have shaved my head for over six years, and I feel my most attractive and confident when I do so.

I have lost 50 pounds over the past year (initially due to stress, anxiety, then a healthier diet and exercise and a healthy dose of Wellbutrin.)

I was rendered completely asexual by Lexapro for years.

I grew up homeschooled in a very conservative environment.  I am now extremely liberal, but I still seek faith and spirituality, as long as I can find a place of worship that I feel welcomed into.

Senior Photo July 2003

 My senior photo, Fall 2003.  To those who know me now, I would be
unrecognizable in every single way from who I was then.

Some may call me the ultimate conundrum.

When I think about all of my identities and their strange conflicting aspects, I realize it’s probably pretty difficult for many people to wrap their head around.

But here I find myself in a new job, in a new state halfway across the country from everything I have ever known, having to “explain myself” to an entirely new batch of people.

Continue reading “And so it begins…”