On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises

On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises

Content warning:  Talk about struggles with disordered thinking about food and weight

Earlier this spring, I blogged at length about my life-long struggles with weight and body image.   At the time, I had been rapidly losing weight for a variety of reasons:

  1. Changing antidepressants
  2. The crippling depression and anxiety that followed a divorce and move across the country to a place where I knew absolutely no one
  3. Becoming more active and trying to eat better

Between May 2014 and March 2015, I had lost (at my most) 50 pounds.

And, although my rapid weight loss has stabilized, I’ve managed to solidly stay down 40 pounds over the past year.

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As you can see, since I’ve been logging in my Lose It! App since October 2011, my weight has kinda been all over the damn place.  I really love data and infographics.

According to the BMI, which many people hold as a whole lot of bullshit because it alone can’t tell me how healthy I am, I should still lose 30 pounds to put me squarely into the “ideal weight” category. When I was that weight while I was in grad school, my professors, coworkers and classmates were concerned about my health, if that says anything.

I was a little disappointed that my medication didn’t keep easily shedding those pounds for me, but I think my body has kind of reached the point of stasis.  Ideally, I would like to lose 10-20 more pounds, but I’m pretty proud of my progress and the fact that I have kept it off.

So.  Now that my body has decided that I need to do some work to keep it this weight, what have I done?

Continue reading “On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises”

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On Inadequacy and Self Loathing (Part II) or How A MadTV Sketch from 2002 Called Me Out On 30 Years of Damage

On Inadequacy and Self Loathing (Part II) or How A MadTV Sketch from 2002 Called Me Out On 30 Years of Damage

NOTE: This post is dealing with similar themes, though a different aspect of my life-long struggles with feelings of inadequacy.  You can read the companion post here.

This spring, there was a seminar held at my workplace in which we were expected to dig deep within ourselves to discover what our biggest roadblocks were to peace of mind, joy and satisfaction personally and professionally. 
It was going to be 16 hours of who-knows-what, and I had no idea what to expect, and what I could possibly get out of it. 
There were a lot of wise platitudes uttered which proved to be a bit of a mindfuck for me: “We’re only our perception and our experiences. And the way we perceive others doesn’t make it true–it’s just our experiences.”

Furthermore, we were introduced to the concept that “What you see is what you anticipate seeing, what  you’ve always decided things were. How do you ever see anything new?”

Basically by the end of session three, I was convinced it was entirely probable we were living in The Matrix. 

But then, we were asked to write down the biggest issues we had at work, and in our lives in general, that kept us from experiencing joy. 

Most people listed issues with coworkers or protocols or family.

But all of mine came from internal forces.

Continue reading “On Inadequacy and Self Loathing (Part II) or How A MadTV Sketch from 2002 Called Me Out On 30 Years of Damage”

On Body Image, Weight Gain, Weight Loss, and Disordered Eating

On Body Image, Weight Gain, Weight Loss, and Disordered Eating

TW: Talk about anorexic tendencies

My parents are amazing. They’re full of unconditional love, supportive, and well meaning in every way.

But, for pretty much as long as I can remember, I’ve heard them say the words “Be careful with what you eat, you don’t want to end up like us.”

Continue reading “On Body Image, Weight Gain, Weight Loss, and Disordered Eating”