On Transgender Issues or Yesterday I Helped Pay For A Stranger’s Cremation Because No One Else Would

On Transgender Issues or Yesterday I Helped Pay For A Stranger’s Cremation Because No One Else Would

CW: violence against transgender individuals, trans suicide rates

This country is becoming more terrifying by the day. 

Especially for a community I care about deeply and tertiarily am a part of: the trans community. 

I will begin by adding a disclaimer: I try my hardest to keep up with the changing appropriate terminology, but please let me know if anything I say is wrong. I also cannot speak for members of this community, other than one of a vaguely genderqueer but mostly female identified person like myself.  

Seven years ago, I was completely uninformed about this topic. I knew it was a thing, but didn’t understand it at all. And I will admit that I probably cracked some jokes on behalf of transpeople at some point, for which I am eternally ashamed.  

But as I became more entrenched in “researching” the LGBT community as I begin to identify my own pansexuality/queerness, I educated myself about transgender issues.  

I began to develop the inklings of understanding about what it must be like to know from your earliest memories who you are, but be told you are irrevocably someone different.  

Continue reading “On Transgender Issues or Yesterday I Helped Pay For A Stranger’s Cremation Because No One Else Would”

On Bi/Panphobia, Bisexual Erasure, and My Queer Identity When I Still Like Dudes

On Bi/Panphobia, Bisexual Erasure, and My Queer Identity When I Still Like Dudes

*Apologies for the formatting issues..I’m still learning WordPress!*

(99 problems bi
(Image: https://australianmedievalists.wordpress.com/2014/09/28/the-erasure-of-eleanor-rykener-a-case-study-in-trans-and-bi-phobia/)

Because of my gender identity, coupled with my sexuality, I generally declare myself as “queer,” which is really an umbrella term that encompasses a lot of things.

But that’s a tricky label when you’re a girl who still likes cisgender guys. (Cisgender: a person who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth.)

I mean, “queer” sounds kind of off-limits.

So then there’s “pansexual” but most people don’t know what that means. No, I am not aroused by kitchenware.

Sometimes it’s best to just proclaim “I’m attracted to people.”

Continue reading “On Bi/Panphobia, Bisexual Erasure, and My Queer Identity When I Still Like Dudes”

And so it begins…

me

Who am I?

That question gets more and more difficult to answer as time goes on because of its intricacies and complexities, and yet my identity it is slowly crystallizing before me.

I am turning 30 in a month and ten days.

I am newly divorced (3/28/16, ya’ll.)

I was in a same-sex marriage for one year and seven months from wedding to finalized divorce.

I married my first girlfriend.

I am attracted to people of all gender identities and expressions.

I am vaguely-genderqueer-but-mostly-female.

I have had severe battles with depression and anxiety since high school.  I am just now pulling myself out of a pit I had found myself in for at least three years.

I have shaved my head for over six years, and I feel my most attractive and confident when I do so.

I have lost 50 pounds over the past year (initially due to stress, anxiety, then a healthier diet and exercise and a healthy dose of Wellbutrin.)

I was rendered completely asexual by Lexapro for years.

I grew up homeschooled in a very conservative environment.  I am now extremely liberal, but I still seek faith and spirituality, as long as I can find a place of worship that I feel welcomed into.

Senior Photo July 2003

 My senior photo, Fall 2003.  To those who know me now, I would be
unrecognizable in every single way from who I was then.

Some may call me the ultimate conundrum.

When I think about all of my identities and their strange conflicting aspects, I realize it’s probably pretty difficult for many people to wrap their head around.

But here I find myself in a new job, in a new state halfway across the country from everything I have ever known, having to “explain myself” to an entirely new batch of people.

Continue reading “And so it begins…”