On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.

On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.
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I promise this will all make sense by the end.

I’ve always been a bit of a “floater.”

One of the things I pride myself in is that I am fiercely individual, but I have found that this can sometimes come with a price.

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately.

Continue reading “On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.”

On Things I Think About Talking About With My Ex Wife, or Conversations That Could Be But Shouldn’t

On Things I Think About Talking About With My Ex Wife, or Conversations That Could Be But Shouldn’t

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I haven’t had a conversation with my ex wife in over a year, barring one short exchange on what would have been our second wedding anniversary last August.

Cutting off contact was definitely the way to go for me.  It’s the way I’ve always had to do things to heal.   Talking with exes has always ripped the scab off my wounds, exposing the tender pink flesh underneath.

But, of course, every once in a while, I get curious.  I think that maybe I would like to check in on her life.

Continue reading “On Things I Think About Talking About With My Ex Wife, or Conversations That Could Be But Shouldn’t”

On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff

On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff

I’m the first to admit I’m an acquired taste.

When you first meet me, I’m painfully shy and have a difficult time carrying a conversation (especially if I don’t find you particularly interesting…shhhhhh…)

And once I warm up, I’m a passionate flailing-muppet-arm word-vomity mess.  Without a filter.  I overshare.  I’m brutally open and honest to a fault.  Some may even call me abrasive or obnoxious.

Especially when you get me going on issues I’m passionate about.

This has been something that has become painfully clear to me over this past year on my path to a deeper sense of self awareness.

And so, here I am, with a whole lot to say about things that directly affect me and the people I care about, trying to figure out how to speak about them and gently educate people who may not be aware of them and/or strongly disagree with them.

There’s a fine line to walk and, over the past election season especially, I have witnessed all sorts of variations of communication and debate.

Continue reading “On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff”

On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health

On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health
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This ridiculous Google Chrome extension is my one consolation nowadays

I spent the whole day after Election Day 2016 crying at work.

I was devastated.  I was terrified.  I felt betrayed by my country and began playing witch-hunt games in my mind.

Who in this room right now voted for HIM?  

Am I safe?  

Who wants me dead?  

Who wants to take away my rights?  

Who wants to subject me to conversion therapy?  

I was on a downward spiral.  Partly numb, partly in utter disbelief, and partly just struggling to stay afloat.

Friends were jumping on social media, speaking out, going to protests and rallies, calling senators and representatives.

And I was immobilized.

Continue reading “On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health”

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016.  Oh, where do I start?

I’ve seen dozens of think pieces, of Facebook posts from friends and strangers, telling me how I should feel about myself and my outlook on this year.  I should feel lucky, I should take a good hard look at myself and realize that it’s all my damn fault that I’m not happy (forget about the fact that we have no control over some very serious shit that can happen like death and poverty and mental illness and abuse and it’s a very victim-blaming way to think about it to tell us we can just snap out of it.)

Personally, I’ll admit that 2015 was the bigger dumpster fire for me.  That was when my depression had gotten its worst ever, and shit hit the fan with my marriage.  2016 has been a year of growth and rebuilding my life.

But for this country, 2016 has thrust me into a huge amount of worry.  But that’s out of my control in many ways.

So what are my take-aways for 2016?  What have I learned?  How have I changed?

Ohhh, buddy.  If you only knew.

Continue reading “2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?”

On My Adventures in Dating Again, or How I Tried Ethical Non-Monogamy And Dude, I Just Don’t Know

On My Adventures in Dating Again, or How I Tried Ethical Non-Monogamy And Dude, I Just Don’t Know

DISCLAIMER: This post is going to discuss my recent dating life, and some pretty scandalous things guys on OKCupid have requested I do. Read at your own risk, especially if you’re family.

I’ve been trying to write this post for a couple of months now, and have never quite known how to start or where it was going to end up.

But here goes nothing.

It’s been over a year since I moved out of my home I had made in Chicago with my wife after learning about my divorce.

It was such a journey. I was jaded and heartbroken, and thought that getting close to people can only end badly.

Perhaps that’s still the case, but I decided to take the plunge.

I’ve begun dating again.

Continue reading “On My Adventures in Dating Again, or How I Tried Ethical Non-Monogamy And Dude, I Just Don’t Know”

On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion

On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion
Waiting for Godot set at Theatre Royal Haymarket 2009

 

Since I have an MFA in an aspect of theatre, I’ve read a lot of plays, and I am no stranger to the work of Samuel Beckett.

I first saw a production of Waiting for Godot as a senior in high school while visiting what would become my undergrad theatre department in 2004. I knew nothing about the play, and, while I claimed to be an artsy and intelligent student, I was pretty perplexed by it all.

Waiting for Godot is an existential absurdist play in which two characters, Vladimir and Estragon, are stuck in an eternal loop of limbo in which they are constantly waiting for a character named “Godot” who never comes.

Continue reading “On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion”