On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.

On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.
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I promise this will all make sense by the end.

I’ve always been a bit of a “floater.”

One of the things I pride myself in is that I am fiercely individual, but I have found that this can sometimes come with a price.

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately.

Continue reading “On Being A Floater, or How Sometimes Not Fitting Into Boxes Sometimes Gets A Bit Old And Lonely And Also I’m Kinda Like E.T.”

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016.  Oh, where do I start?

I’ve seen dozens of think pieces, of Facebook posts from friends and strangers, telling me how I should feel about myself and my outlook on this year.  I should feel lucky, I should take a good hard look at myself and realize that it’s all my damn fault that I’m not happy (forget about the fact that we have no control over some very serious shit that can happen like death and poverty and mental illness and abuse and it’s a very victim-blaming way to think about it to tell us we can just snap out of it.)

Personally, I’ll admit that 2015 was the bigger dumpster fire for me.  That was when my depression had gotten its worst ever, and shit hit the fan with my marriage.  2016 has been a year of growth and rebuilding my life.

But for this country, 2016 has thrust me into a huge amount of worry.  But that’s out of my control in many ways.

So what are my take-aways for 2016?  What have I learned?  How have I changed?

Ohhh, buddy.  If you only knew.

Continue reading “2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?”

On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion

On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion
Waiting for Godot set at Theatre Royal Haymarket 2009

 

Since I have an MFA in an aspect of theatre, I’ve read a lot of plays, and I am no stranger to the work of Samuel Beckett.

I first saw a production of Waiting for Godot as a senior in high school while visiting what would become my undergrad theatre department in 2004. I knew nothing about the play, and, while I claimed to be an artsy and intelligent student, I was pretty perplexed by it all.

Waiting for Godot is an existential absurdist play in which two characters, Vladimir and Estragon, are stuck in an eternal loop of limbo in which they are constantly waiting for a character named “Godot” who never comes.

Continue reading “On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion”

On Soulmates, or What Do Plato, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Elite Daily Have in Common?

Note:  This post gets pretty quote-heavy, but bear with me!

The word “soulmate” is tossed around a lot.

It means different things for different people. Some think that there is one person out there in the world that they are destined to be with, and that is their soulmate. They will be the most perfectly compatible and complimentary couple in all ways.

I never quite subscribed to that philosophy. People are so unique, there are always going to be aspects that aren’t perfect.

And, after going through a divorce, perhaps I’ve become a bit jaded, in that nothing is as it seems.

Continue reading “On Soulmates, or What Do Plato, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Elite Daily Have in Common?”

On “Age Appropriate Behavior” or Sometimes I Just Want To Dance Around A Campfire With People Ten Years Younger Than Me, Don’t Judge Me! 

On “Age Appropriate Behavior” or Sometimes I Just Want To Dance Around A Campfire With People Ten Years Younger Than Me, Don’t Judge Me! 

Here at “Opera Camp,” I’m surrounded by a huge variety of people. And, as the cheesy saying goes, “I keep getting older as those interns stay the same age.”  
I can’t be sure, but I would guess that if you averaged out the ages of all of the seasonal employees here, it would be about 24.   That means that my subset of “acceptable age range” friends is getting smaller every year.

It’s been made painfully clear to me lately how socially starved I have become over the past year after moving to Delaware, so I find myself grasping at any and all social events this summer.  

So if I decide that I want to put myself out there and be social for the first time in years, I have a few choices:

I can have “quiet nights in” with some friends closer to my age (though my demographic is quite small) which is pretty much like my last five years has been if I’m being generous, or go out for dinner and spend way too much money. This is also keeping my friend circle quite small and homogenous, meaning: late 20s to early 30s women who work in the costume shop…

Or…

I can drink hard ciders on the porch with a wider group of people, most of whom are 20-26 years old. I get to meet new people from other areas and allow myself to have some silly fun for the first time in years. And many of these people actually have more common interests with me than people my own age. 

Continue reading “On “Age Appropriate Behavior” or Sometimes I Just Want To Dance Around A Campfire With People Ten Years Younger Than Me, Don’t Judge Me! “

On Homeschooling or How I Refused to Align With The Denim Jumper and Bobby Socks Crowd

On Homeschooling or How I Refused to Align With The Denim Jumper and Bobby Socks Crowd

This morning on my walk to work, I was listening to the most recent episode of one of my new favorite podcasts “2 Dope Queens” which features stand-up comedians.

And I had to laugh when their first featured comic, Shane Torres opened his set with this bit:

“Do you remember meeting your first homeschooled kid? They always act exactly the way an alien would act if they took over a human’s body. Like, they kinda get it, but if you watch them from a distance, you’re just like, “that one’s eating cereal with a fork.” And they just show up one day, just walk out of a house in your neighborhood you thought no children lived in, and when they come out, they always smell like laundry that wasn’t dried properly. And the first thing they say to you is always nuttier than squirrel shit. It’s never “How you doin’?” It’s always something bizarre like, “My name is Baxter and my dad puts honey in our milk.”

Ah yes, Mr. Torres. I understand completely.

I was one of those weird homeschooled kids.

Continue reading “On Homeschooling or How I Refused to Align With The Denim Jumper and Bobby Socks Crowd”

On Friendship, or How I “Won” One Of My Closest Friends In My Divorce

On Friendship, or How I “Won” One Of My Closest Friends In My Divorce

Our first friends are often chosen for us because our parents like each other. We have few real interests, and “getting along” means we don’t hit each other over the head with the Fisher Price Corn Popper Walker Toy and we share our favorite stuffed animals.

Me with toysMarch 1988
All mine, bitch.  (I was just shy of 2 years old here)

Continue reading “On Friendship, or How I “Won” One Of My Closest Friends In My Divorce”