On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff

On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff

I’m the first to admit I’m an acquired taste.

When you first meet me, I’m painfully shy and have a difficult time carrying a conversation (especially if I don’t find you particularly interesting…shhhhhh…)

And once I warm up, I’m a passionate flailing-muppet-arm word-vomity mess.  Without a filter.  I overshare.  I’m brutally open and honest to a fault.  Some may even call me abrasive or obnoxious.

Especially when you get me going on issues I’m passionate about.

This has been something that has become painfully clear to me over this past year on my path to a deeper sense of self awareness.

And so, here I am, with a whole lot to say about things that directly affect me and the people I care about, trying to figure out how to speak about them and gently educate people who may not be aware of them and/or strongly disagree with them.

There’s a fine line to walk and, over the past election season especially, I have witnessed all sorts of variations of communication and debate.

Continue reading “On Educating On Important Issues, or I’m Trying To Figure Out How To Not Alienate People By Being Too Passionate And Stuff”

On The Women’s March or How My Faith In The World Has Been Restored (and how Janelle Monáe is a goddess, which I already knew but White Feminsm apparently still trumps all with all focus on Madonna’s speech because she added some swears)

On The Women’s March or How My Faith In The World Has Been Restored (and how Janelle Monáe is a goddess, which I already knew but White Feminsm apparently still trumps all with all focus on Madonna’s speech because she added some swears)
trump
If this is you or you know who this is, please let me know so I can credit appropriately!

If you read my most recent post, you’ll know that I’ve been struggling with how to balance activism and staying informed about the current state of events in our country with my own mental health.

I struggle with whether or not I’m just using it as a crutch or an excuse.  I struggle with guilt in not participating in ways others are.

As the Women’s March approached, I wrestled in my mind with it.  While I now live less than 100 miles from Washington D.C., I am nowhere near my amazing, strong feminist friends.  And I have pretty crippling anxiety regarding crowds and loud places.  So the idea of going to one of these events, let alone by myself, seemed impossible.  There were some smaller events locally, but even the idea of going to one of those stressed me out.

And so I stayed home, glued to social media.  I was inspired and energized and filled with love and hope, witnessing literally HUNDREDS of my friends attending these events all over the country and even world.

Continue reading “On The Women’s March or How My Faith In The World Has Been Restored (and how Janelle Monáe is a goddess, which I already knew but White Feminsm apparently still trumps all with all focus on Madonna’s speech because she added some swears)”

On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health

On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health
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This ridiculous Google Chrome extension is my one consolation nowadays

I spent the whole day after Election Day 2016 crying at work.

I was devastated.  I was terrified.  I felt betrayed by my country and began playing witch-hunt games in my mind.

Who in this room right now voted for HIM?  

Am I safe?  

Who wants me dead?  

Who wants to take away my rights?  

Who wants to subject me to conversion therapy?  

I was on a downward spiral.  Partly numb, partly in utter disbelief, and partly just struggling to stay afloat.

Friends were jumping on social media, speaking out, going to protests and rallies, calling senators and representatives.

And I was immobilized.

Continue reading “On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health”

On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises

On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises

Content warning:  Talk about struggles with disordered thinking about food and weight

Earlier this spring, I blogged at length about my life-long struggles with weight and body image.   At the time, I had been rapidly losing weight for a variety of reasons:

  1. Changing antidepressants
  2. The crippling depression and anxiety that followed a divorce and move across the country to a place where I knew absolutely no one
  3. Becoming more active and trying to eat better

Between May 2014 and March 2015, I had lost (at my most) 50 pounds.

And, although my rapid weight loss has stabilized, I’ve managed to solidly stay down 40 pounds over the past year.

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As you can see, since I’ve been logging in my Lose It! App since October 2011, my weight has kinda been all over the damn place.  I really love data and infographics.

According to the BMI, which many people hold as a whole lot of bullshit because it alone can’t tell me how healthy I am, I should still lose 30 pounds to put me squarely into the “ideal weight” category. When I was that weight while I was in grad school, my professors, coworkers and classmates were concerned about my health, if that says anything.

I was a little disappointed that my medication didn’t keep easily shedding those pounds for me, but I think my body has kind of reached the point of stasis.  Ideally, I would like to lose 10-20 more pounds, but I’m pretty proud of my progress and the fact that I have kept it off.

So.  Now that my body has decided that I need to do some work to keep it this weight, what have I done?

Continue reading “On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises”

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016.  Oh, where do I start?

I’ve seen dozens of think pieces, of Facebook posts from friends and strangers, telling me how I should feel about myself and my outlook on this year.  I should feel lucky, I should take a good hard look at myself and realize that it’s all my damn fault that I’m not happy (forget about the fact that we have no control over some very serious shit that can happen like death and poverty and mental illness and abuse and it’s a very victim-blaming way to think about it to tell us we can just snap out of it.)

Personally, I’ll admit that 2015 was the bigger dumpster fire for me.  That was when my depression had gotten its worst ever, and shit hit the fan with my marriage.  2016 has been a year of growth and rebuilding my life.

But for this country, 2016 has thrust me into a huge amount of worry.  But that’s out of my control in many ways.

So what are my take-aways for 2016?  What have I learned?  How have I changed?

Ohhh, buddy.  If you only knew.

Continue reading “2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?”

On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion

On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion
Waiting for Godot set at Theatre Royal Haymarket 2009

 

Since I have an MFA in an aspect of theatre, I’ve read a lot of plays, and I am no stranger to the work of Samuel Beckett.

I first saw a production of Waiting for Godot as a senior in high school while visiting what would become my undergrad theatre department in 2004. I knew nothing about the play, and, while I claimed to be an artsy and intelligent student, I was pretty perplexed by it all.

Waiting for Godot is an existential absurdist play in which two characters, Vladimir and Estragon, are stuck in an eternal loop of limbo in which they are constantly waiting for a character named “Godot” who never comes.

Continue reading “On Waiting For Godot, or How This Existential Absurdist Play Made Me Contemplate My Relationship to Ideas of Partnership, Depression and Religion”

On My Marriage or How Forever Turned Into One Year

On My Marriage or How Forever Turned Into One Year

TW: brief discussion of self injury and not-quite-suicidal thoughts

Five years ago this Friday, I started dating the woman who would be my wife.

Two years ago today, I married the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Photo by Carolyn Sinon

One year ago today, she asked for a divorce.

Today, I’m half a country and worlds away from where I was last year, and I’m doing so amazingly well.

Things all work out.
But what happened?

Continue reading “On My Marriage or How Forever Turned Into One Year”