I haven’t had a conversation with my ex wife in over a year, barring one short exchange on what would have been our second wedding anniversary last August.
Cutting off contact was definitely the way to go for me. It’s the way I’ve always had to do things to heal. Talking with exes has always ripped the scab off my wounds, exposing the tender pink flesh underneath.
But, of course, every once in a while, I get curious. I think that maybe I would like to check in on her life.
Next month, it will be one year since my divorce was finalized.
I moved halfway across the country and began a new job one year and three months ago.
I moved into my current, cozy little studio apartment with my dumpstercat Chet one year ago this week.
I began casually dating eight months ago, convinced that I wanted to “play the field” and try out “ethical non-monogamy.”
About five months ago, I began dating this super cool guy, and about three months ago, I realized that I had no interest in non-monogamy or “playing the field” anymore and I was perfectly content to be in a “real” relationship again. No anxiety about what I could be missing, etc. And no weird residual hangups about my divorce. It’s pretty awesome.
I have settled into my new life. My New Normal. Nestled into the cozy reliability of a routine, a steady paycheck, a great health insurance plan (for now…), a place of my own, and reliable snuggles.
Note: This post gets pretty quote-heavy, but bear with me!
The word “soulmate” is tossed around a lot.
It means different things for different people. Some think that there is one person out there in the world that they are destined to be with, and that is their soulmate. They will be the most perfectly compatible and complimentary couple in all ways.
I never quite subscribed to that philosophy. People are so unique, there are always going to be aspects that aren’t perfect.
And, after going through a divorce, perhaps I’ve become a bit jaded, in that nothing is as it seems.
I wanted to watch comedian Aziz Ansari’s Netflix original show Master of None when it first came out. My friends were all raving about it, all my feminist news sites I follow were praising it for its “woke-ness,” and I was in the mood for a good new show.
But it came out at the beginning of November last year, a month and a half after I moved out of my Chicago apartment, leaving behind (not by my choice) my marriage and soon to be ex wife.
And, from what I had read about it, the show talked a lot about relationships and marriage.
And, at this point, seeing even my Facebook friends post anything remotely regarding their relationships was like stabbing a knife between my ribs.
So I decided that, perhaps, it would be wise for my mental health to wait a while.
Months passed, raw wounds scabbed over, and I began to move on.
It has now been a full year since the downward spiral of my marriage, and, dammit, it was time to give the show a watch.