The Great Off-Brand Girl Scout Samoa Cookie Very Scientific Comparative Study, or This Is Just An Excuse For Me To Buy And Eat All The Cookies

The Great Off-Brand Girl Scout Samoa Cookie Very Scientific Comparative Study, or This Is Just An Excuse For Me To Buy And Eat All The Cookies

It’s Girl Scout Cookie season.  And while I’m all for supporting your local Girl Scouts, who have a history of being huge supporters of strong young women and have also been trans-inclusive since at least 2012, far ahead of the Boy Scouts’ recent decision just a couple months ago.

But sometimes personal budget restrictions/the other 10 months out of the year happens and you just NEED SOME DAMN SAMOAS (or Caramel De-Lites, according to which bakery your local troop uses.)

And for this reason, I have made it my personal mission to help you/myself out and conduct the Great Off-Brand Girl Scout Samoa Cookie Very Scientific Comparative Study of 2017.

Continue reading “The Great Off-Brand Girl Scout Samoa Cookie Very Scientific Comparative Study, or This Is Just An Excuse For Me To Buy And Eat All The Cookies”

On My New Normal, or Moving On After My Divorce

On My New Normal, or Moving On After My Divorce

It has now been one year and eight months since shit began to hit the fan with my marriage.

Next month, it will be one year since my divorce was finalized.

I moved halfway across the country and began a new job one year and three months ago.

I moved into my current, cozy little studio apartment with my dumpstercat Chet one year ago this week.

I began casually dating eight months ago, convinced that I wanted to “play the field” and try out “ethical non-monogamy.”

About five months ago, I began dating this super cool guy, and about three months ago, I realized that I had no interest in non-monogamy or “playing the field” anymore and I was perfectly content to be in a “real” relationship again.  No anxiety about what I could be missing, etc.  And no weird residual hangups about my divorce.  It’s pretty awesome.

I have settled into my new life.  My New Normal.  Nestled into the cozy reliability of a routine, a steady paycheck, a great health insurance plan (for now…), a place of my own, and reliable snuggles.

Continue reading “On My New Normal, or Moving On After My Divorce”

On The Women’s March or How My Faith In The World Has Been Restored (and how Janelle Monáe is a goddess, which I already knew but White Feminsm apparently still trumps all with all focus on Madonna’s speech because she added some swears)

On The Women’s March or How My Faith In The World Has Been Restored (and how Janelle Monáe is a goddess, which I already knew but White Feminsm apparently still trumps all with all focus on Madonna’s speech because she added some swears)
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If this is you or you know who this is, please let me know so I can credit appropriately!

If you read my most recent post, you’ll know that I’ve been struggling with how to balance activism and staying informed about the current state of events in our country with my own mental health.

I struggle with whether or not I’m just using it as a crutch or an excuse.  I struggle with guilt in not participating in ways others are.

As the Women’s March approached, I wrestled in my mind with it.  While I now live less than 100 miles from Washington D.C., I am nowhere near my amazing, strong feminist friends.  And I have pretty crippling anxiety regarding crowds and loud places.  So the idea of going to one of these events, let alone by myself, seemed impossible.  There were some smaller events locally, but even the idea of going to one of those stressed me out.

And so I stayed home, glued to social media.  I was inspired and energized and filled with love and hope, witnessing literally HUNDREDS of my friends attending these events all over the country and even world.

Continue reading “On The Women’s March or How My Faith In The World Has Been Restored (and how Janelle Monáe is a goddess, which I already knew but White Feminsm apparently still trumps all with all focus on Madonna’s speech because she added some swears)”

On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health

On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health
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This ridiculous Google Chrome extension is my one consolation nowadays

I spent the whole day after Election Day 2016 crying at work.

I was devastated.  I was terrified.  I felt betrayed by my country and began playing witch-hunt games in my mind.

Who in this room right now voted for HIM?  

Am I safe?  

Who wants me dead?  

Who wants to take away my rights?  

Who wants to subject me to conversion therapy?  

I was on a downward spiral.  Partly numb, partly in utter disbelief, and partly just struggling to stay afloat.

Friends were jumping on social media, speaking out, going to protests and rallies, calling senators and representatives.

And I was immobilized.

Continue reading “On My Struggle With In-Activism Post-Election, or How I’m Trying To Look After My Mental Health”

On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises

On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises

Content warning:  Talk about struggles with disordered thinking about food and weight

Earlier this spring, I blogged at length about my life-long struggles with weight and body image.   At the time, I had been rapidly losing weight for a variety of reasons:

  1. Changing antidepressants
  2. The crippling depression and anxiety that followed a divorce and move across the country to a place where I knew absolutely no one
  3. Becoming more active and trying to eat better

Between May 2014 and March 2015, I had lost (at my most) 50 pounds.

And, although my rapid weight loss has stabilized, I’ve managed to solidly stay down 40 pounds over the past year.

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As you can see, since I’ve been logging in my Lose It! App since October 2011, my weight has kinda been all over the damn place.  I really love data and infographics.

According to the BMI, which many people hold as a whole lot of bullshit because it alone can’t tell me how healthy I am, I should still lose 30 pounds to put me squarely into the “ideal weight” category. When I was that weight while I was in grad school, my professors, coworkers and classmates were concerned about my health, if that says anything.

I was a little disappointed that my medication didn’t keep easily shedding those pounds for me, but I think my body has kind of reached the point of stasis.  Ideally, I would like to lose 10-20 more pounds, but I’m pretty proud of my progress and the fact that I have kept it off.

So.  Now that my body has decided that I need to do some work to keep it this weight, what have I done?

Continue reading “On Body Image and Self Care Part 2, or How I’m An Adult Who Can Kinda Cook Now and Sometimes Exercises”

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?

2016.  Oh, where do I start?

I’ve seen dozens of think pieces, of Facebook posts from friends and strangers, telling me how I should feel about myself and my outlook on this year.  I should feel lucky, I should take a good hard look at myself and realize that it’s all my damn fault that I’m not happy (forget about the fact that we have no control over some very serious shit that can happen like death and poverty and mental illness and abuse and it’s a very victim-blaming way to think about it to tell us we can just snap out of it.)

Personally, I’ll admit that 2015 was the bigger dumpster fire for me.  That was when my depression had gotten its worst ever, and shit hit the fan with my marriage.  2016 has been a year of growth and rebuilding my life.

But for this country, 2016 has thrust me into a huge amount of worry.  But that’s out of my control in many ways.

So what are my take-aways for 2016?  What have I learned?  How have I changed?

Ohhh, buddy.  If you only knew.

Continue reading “2016 In Review, or What Do Quinoa Bowls and Three Brothers From West Virginia Have To Do With My Mental Health and Self Care?”

The Waiting Girl, or A Throwback To The First Thing I Wrote In Years Back In December 2015

The Waiting Girl, or A Throwback To The First Thing I Wrote In Years Back In December 2015

*NOTE: This piece was written entirely in December 2015 with no edits since that time.  This is extremely important to note, as there are some small parallels to current events in my life and if they are read into too much it will make me look like a SUPER CRAZY PERSON.*

In early April 2015, I had one of the most fascinating, puzzling, vivid and unsettling dreams I’ve ever had. I had been married to my then wife, now ex-wife for less than 8 months, and so the themes in my dream, as you will learn, were quite troubling to me. I recorded my retelling of the dream on my way to work one rainy morning, and I set it aside. It was a strangely beautiful story, complete in its own right. I’ve been wanting to try my hand at writing again, and I just remembered that I had tucked away this idea. What follows is a rough draft of this oddly timely, slightly prophetic, poetic dream, written December 2015.


If you glimpsed something so perfect, would you give up your life for the promise of holding it once more?

Continue reading “The Waiting Girl, or A Throwback To The First Thing I Wrote In Years Back In December 2015”